I’m not scared about how life will change once she is here, though maybe I should be. I’m not even scared about how we will all adjust to her, including the toddler. I’m scared of having her.

Now yes I have a 2 year old, so obviously I’ve been through child birth before. In fact I even was dilated to 10 and pushing before my emergency c-section with Desmond. BUT! and this is a big but, I was unconscious when Desmond actually arrived. See the local they gave me didn’t do enough so they had to give me general anesthesia, which meant I was unconscious and didn’t see him being born. Which did suck, but at the same time, by the time I saw him he was 5 hours old, which really sucked, but he looked like a baby and he was nice and clean and everything. Oh and I was a bit out of based on the no sleep and morphine, so I am not sure how much I really even remember of that other then being beyond annoyed at the labor and delivery nurse that took 5 hours to move me to the maternity ward so I could finally see Desmond.

Anyways, I never actually saw him being born or saw him even right after he was born, so I really don’t know what it is like and it kind of scares me. I know once the moment is here, I will be fine, but thinking about labor and having bean is just scary since yes I know what will happen and yes I’ve been through it before, except I haven’t been through that final step where I see the baby right after they are born and that is the part that kind of scares me. I’m not sure why, but it does.

Oh and if these contractions don’t stop soon, it won’t be an issue because I’ll have done insane before the birth anyways.

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 22nd, 2009 at 8:40 pm and is filed under Eloise. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.